Whole Grains 101:

Whole grains this and whole wheat that. What is the big deal? Well, apparently, it's a very big deal! In order to understand the importance of whole grains, I think it's important to understand their history. (Maybe that is just me being a huge dork, but so be it).
Grain has been around since....forever. So, my question was, if "refined" white grain is so bad for you, why did people start making it in the first place. Well, back in the "olden days" (I'm talking Romans, men wearing skirts, chariots, the pulley) it was discovered that less-course, fine flour could be made by sifting out bran particles from the grain.

This flour was expensive to make, so it became a symbol of status and only the wealthy had access to it. This type of extractment (similar to the white bread made today) extracts up to 40% of the product taking out the bran and wheat germ. This removes over 50% of the vitamin B1, B2, B3, vitamin E, folic acid, calcium, phosphorus, zinc, copper, iron, and fiber in the product. At the time, they couldn't foresee the problem with this. Also, in the beginning, a very small portion of the population even had access to this "refined" flour.

It wasn't untill he invention of the roller mill (around 1870) that a less expensive way to manufacture this soft, fine, "refined" flour came about.

This made it possible for this flour to be available to the masses, plus removing the bran and wheat germ gave the product a longer shelf life. During the following 100 years there was a worldwide epidemic outbreak of pellagra and beriberi (vitamin B deficiencies). This lead to "enrichment," the restoring of B1, B2, B3, and iron back into the "refined" product - although in far less amounts than the original grain - ("Enrichment" of grain products became a law in 1941.)

beriberi - B1 deficiency

(Its also interesting to know that wheat did not originally grow in the western hemisphere. It wasn't brought here until after Christopher Columbus arrived.)

So after all that - the Romans and their fancy pants ways had pretty much ruined it for everyone. Super.

So, back to the original question. What is the big deal? What do whole grains provide? The key nutrients that whole grains provide include manganese, dietary fiber, tryptophan, and magnesium. They reduce the risk for metabolic disorder, help with weight control, decrease cholesterol, decrease blood pressure, decrease risk for heart disease, and decrease risk for type II diabetes.

Whole grains include...
wheat
oat
barley
maize (a grass)
brown rice
rye
triticale (a wheat and rye hybrid)
teff (a grass)

Whole grains can easily be worked into the diet - one of my favorite recipes is...
Homemade Sandwich Thins pizzas:
I take a whole wheat or whole grain Sandwich Thin and top it with pizza sauce and 2% Mozzarella cheese
(I eat them cold like Pizza Lunchables, but you can also bake them until golden brown on top)

Fiber? What about it?

Most people know that fiber is important, but they usually don't know why. The general consensus is that its good for successful bowel movements,(yay!) but that's about it. Basically, fiber is a carbohydrate that is not absorbed by the body. It is only found in plants and is categorized (usually) into two categories: soluble and insoluble.
Soluble fiber is partially dissolved in water and is fermented in the stomach (that's what all the gas is about:). This is the fiber famous for its cholesterol lowering effects due to its ability to bind to bile acids and decrease their absorption. Insoluble fiber is not dissolved in water - it actually absorbs water in the digestive system causing a bulking action and eases....you know what. (It softens stool ans shortens transit time through the intestinal tract). Most foods contain both - for example, a prune has insoluble fiber (in the skin) and soluble fiber (in the pulp). There are times when you want food higher in one more than the other.

So, foods high in soluble fiber include...
legumes
oats, rye, barley
prune juice
plums
bananas
the inside of apples and pears
broccoli
inside of sweet potatoes

Foods high in insoluble fiber (better for constipation) include...
whole grain foods
nuts and seeds
potato skins
skins of fruits (ex. prune skin)

So, how much fiber do we need and how does that translate to food? It is recommended by the ADA (American Dietetic Association) to eat between 20-35g of fiber per day. Well, how does that translate into the diet?

Here is a one day menu that provides MORE than the recommended amount of fiber/day.
Breakfast: 1/2 cup of sugar cereal (ex. frosted flakes) and 1/2 cup bran flakes with skim milk and a banana = 8g fiber
Lunch: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread, 2 oz of wheat thin crackers, and an apple = 13.5g fiber
Dinner: 1/2 cup whole wheat pasta with 4 oz. grilled chicken breast and marinara sauce = 12g fiber
Late night: 2 glasses of wine and 3 pieces of dark chocolate = ok, no fiber, but still awesome!!!
Total fiber intake for the day = 33.5g fiber

If you don't eat foods that are typical fiber sources, than you may want to look into fiber products - like fiber bars or supplements. However, natural sources are always going to be better. Plus, you reap the benefits of all the other nutrients those foods contain.

Talk about some successful bowel movements!!!

Resources:
Harvard School of Public Health (2010). The nutrition source fiber. www.hsph.harvard.edu

"Am I fat because of EDCs?"

Not exactly. It is true that endocrine-disrupting chemicals are dangerous to humans. But, its not true that it is the only reason people are getting large and in charge out there. There has been a lot of hype about EDCs, and it is definitely a concern - however, there are going to be your typicals that say "oh, I can't lose weight with diet and exercise because of all the chemicals out there. I have thyroid issues...blah, blah, blah." Yes, there are people that have hypothyroidism, but not many. So, for the rest of us - diet and exercise is where it's at!

Confused? Let's start over. EDCs are endocrine-disrupting chemicals that are basically...everywhere! They are substances that, either natural or synthetic, can affect hormonal systems in the body. You've heard of BPA (the dangerous substance in plastic), well that's an EDC. EDCs are found in pesticides, plastic, fuel...everything - the world is full of dangerous chemicals. The issue is that they can have dangerous effects on endocrine systems in humans including thyroid, neuroendocrine, obesity & metabolism, and insulin & glucose homeostasis. The majority of research is on animals only - rodents and monkeys, and the majority of solid research is focused on reproductive and cancerous outcomes. There are so many limitations to current research - for example, its difficult and expensive to use human subjects. Also, they can only test one EDC at a time, while in the real world we are being subjected to "mixtures." (hundreds of EDCs at once - which most likely cause very different outcomes than individual EDCs ever would).

I read the Endocrine Society's Scientific Statement on EDCs (long and boring, you're welcome) and basically, in summary - There's a bunch of shit out there, you consume it every day, rats for sure die from it, it will be a problem for generations, it effects reproduction, increases cancer, possibly causes weight gain, but more research is needed.

I did find one thing interesting - with the reproduction issues - in every study done, the EDC delayed puberty. Hasn't everyone been talking about how additives to our food are causing early onset puberty? Anywho...
I guess its important to know what you should be doing in order to protect yourself. The two easiest things you can do are the following...

1. Follow the EWG's (Environmental Working Group's) guide to buying organic. Try to go organic when purchasing anything form the "Dirty Dozen" Group - celery, peaches, strawberries, apples, blueberries, nectarines, bell peppers, spinach, kale, cherries, potatoes, and imported grapes.

2. Avoid plastic - cut down on plastic water bottles and don't let them sit in the sun, don't heat things up in the microwave in plastic containers, avoid buying foods wrapped in plastic (example - pre-packed deli meat - which you already know I think is gross)

There are other suggestions out there - decrease canned goods, only eat grass-fed beef, filter water with a carbon water filter - However, I'm not ready to take it that far. You can do what you want. I'm going to stick with the organic and anti-plastic route. If I grow antlers later, so be it!

Resources

Diamanti-Kandarakis, E., Bougignon, J., Giudice, L., Hauser, R., Prins, G., Soto, Al, Zoeller, R. & Gar, A. (2009). Endocrin-disrupting chemicals: an endocrine society scientific statement. Endocrine Reviews. 30(4): 293-342.

Perrine, S. & Hurlock, H. (2010). Why you can't lose that last 10 pounds. Wowowow. www.wowowow.com

Salads That Suck

The word "salad" has been, historically, deemed the "skinny girl food." Well, times have changed, folks! Leave it up to America to go and make what was once a safe choice for a healthy meal into a heart attack on leaves.

Wendy's BLT Cobb Salad - 670 Calories, 15g saturated fat
Wendy's Southwest Taco Salad - 680 Calories, 16g SATURATED fat

Panera Bread's Greek Salad - 600 Calories, 58g fat, 11g saturated fat
Panera Bread's Chopped Chicken Salad - 640 Calories, 34g fat, 5g saturated fat 1320mg sodium
Panera Bread's Cesar Salad - 540 Calories, 43g fat, 11g saturated fat

P.F. Chang's Chicken Chopped Salad with Ginger Dressing - 730 Calories, 48g fat, 1280mg sodium

So, next time you're ordering - BEWARE!!! You might be better off ordering a quarter-pound cheeseburger:)

Note: McDonald's nutrition information on their website does NOT include the dressing.

Krispy Kremes? Really?

It is hard enough to try and loose a few lbs. Its even harder when it seems that everyone is against you during your quest for health. The workplace, as discussed before, can be the biggest culprit in this situation. The following pictures are ALL from the same HEALTH CARE work site!!!! If they can't be healthy there, then your average office around the ole' US doesn't have a shot in hell!
P.S. this place may or may not perform bariatric surgeries.

candy bowl

Krispy Kreme's - legendary diet food!

Birthdays! Thanks, Kroger:)

Caffeine is Good?

Over the last few months, one of my sisters has gotten very involved in triathlons (pictures to follow - don't be mad, Kristin). And despite the fact that this requires exercising hours on end (even on weekends:), she has really enjoyed it! I mean, the spandex alone are reason enough to love them! Through my research on nutrition and triathletes, there has been one aspect that has greatly grabbed my attention...caffeine. The idea that athletes are using caffeine to boost their performance, and IT'S WORKING, amazes me! My first experiences with caffeine included me chugging ungodly amounts of coffee to get through 6 hour study sessions in college - jittering like a crack head on the 3rd floor of the library. (Times were simpler back then.) Now, I have to drink coffee every morning if I'm even going to pretend to work!

Anyway, I've been looking into the athletic advantages that caffeine can give someone either in actual competition or just for training sessions. Caffeine affects the Central Nervous System and affects three things within the athlete's body. 1. perceived exertion, 2. neural activation of muscle contractions leading possibly to longer, stronger muscle contractions (This also involves the calcium/potassium balance in the blood - but we won't go into that right now:) Anywho, 3. metabolically, caffeine might also help release free fatty acids earlier during exercise, sparing glycogen that would normally be exhausted first from the muscles (meaning you won't burn out as fast).

So what does all this mean? Well, 1. perceived exertion is when your mind tells you are tired. So, since caffeine increases alertness and potentially focus, this means that caffeine will help your mind not exhaust as quickly. 2. better muscle contractions means better results both in endurance events and sprint events - this just means that what your body has to do in order for it to perform effectively (contract its muscles) is being done...well, better. 3. sparing glycogen is like sparing oxygen. The more effectively you use the oxygen you have, the better and the longer you are able to breath. Similarly, the more effective you are at using the glycogen (the energy source) in your muscles, the better and the longer you are going to perform.

But how much caffeine should you take in? It is currently recommended to take in 3-6mg/kg of body weight one hour prior to performance. For example - if you weigh 135 lbs: 135/ 2.2 = 61.36 kg x 3mg caffeine = 184g caffeine = about 1.6 cups of coffee.

Remember, that caffeine does have a slight diuretic effect, so if you do use this performance enhancer, then make sure to stay hydrated!!! AND KICK BUTT!!!!

Rev3 Triathlon in Knoxville, TN

http://www.rev3tri.com/knoxvilleComingSoon.htm

Next up! - August 1st in Indianapolis, IN (Tri Indi Triathlon & Duathlon)

http://www.trifind.com/re_11829/TriIndyTriathlonDuathlon.html

GOOD LUCK, Kristin!!!

Book suggestion

Woman, Food, and God - by Geneen Roth

I have not read it, but my sister's and I are going to this month. I will post our feedback!
Happy reading!!!

Scientific Opinion:)

This post is dedicated to (one) of my best friends, Lauren.
Soda is bad for you. Don't drink it. (Unless it's diet and has vodka in it.)
Happy Friday!!!!

Vitamin D = Confusing

There is a lot of confusion when it comes to Vitamin D, and to be honest, the reason is that even the professionals are confused. Researchers still can't tell you exactly how much Vitamin D you should take or how much time you should spend in the sun a day. All they have is recommendations based on research - but, nothing is set in stone. So, here is what is known as of now.

The current government recommendations for daily Vitamin D consumption is 200 IUs (international units) for those up to 50, 400 IUs up to 70, and 600 IUs for those over 70. However, most professionals would agree, that these are low estimates. Vitamin D's original claim for fame was bone health; however, it has recently been strongly linked to heart health, diabetes, hypertension, multiple sclerosis, and several cancers. The current barriers between people and adequate sources of Vitamin D are lack of sun exposure due to less time spent outdoors and sunscreen use, dark skin complexions, internal conversion issues (ex. kidney issues), and obesity. The amount of Vitamin D that a person needs varies greatly, and is based on age, weight, % body fat, latitude, skin coloration, season, sunblock use, sun exposure and illness. Generally, the old need more than the young, big more than little, northern more than southern, winter more than summer, darker more than fair skinned, and ill more than well.

It was recently said that those living north of Atlanta can not get enough Vitamin D naturally because the sun does not rise far enough for the Ultraviolet B rays (the rays that convert Vitamin D into the active form within the body) cannot penetrate the atmosphere.

Why does it matter? Well, because of Vitamin D deficiency's connection with heart disease, certain types of cancer and diabetes. A study conducted at the University of Minnesota even found a connection between Vitamin D and weight loss results, stating that those who were Vitamin D deficient lost less weight than those who had adequate amounts.

Some experts would tell you that if you don't sunbathe regularly (at least once a week) year round, you need to supplement those less than 1 with 1,000 IUs daily, those over 1 with 1,000 IUs of D3 per 25 pounds of body weight, and well adults with 5,000 IUs. They suggest that you need a 25-hydroxyvitamin D test within 2-3 months after beginning supplementation, and to adjust your intake accordingly. (25 (OH)D can be tested to tell you your Vitamin D level - low levels make it impossible for your body to store Vitamin D - it is the best way to test, and it can be done at most physician's offices)

There is danger with toxic levels of Vitamin D, but you would have to intake extreme amounts - over 40,000 IUs daily. To put these amounts in perspective - 1 cup of milk has about 241 IUs of Vitamin D, 1 tsp of fish oil has about 450, and 3 oz of Salmon has about 650.

So, if you feel you are in danger of low Vitamin D levels, don't ignore it! It is important. Ask your doctor before starting any new supplement. My suggestion would be to try and eat fish as much as you can (2-3Xs/week) or take a fish oil supplement - that way you get your Vitamin D and Omega 3s and 6s! Double Bonus!

Resources:

Vieth, R. (1999). Vitamin D supplementation, 25-hydroxyvitamin D concentration, and safety. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 69(5), 842-856.

Kotz, D. (2005). Time in the sun: how much is needed for vitamin D? U.S. News and World Report.

eatright.org

John Jacob Connell, MD - Executive Director of the Vitamin D Council

Underused Kitchenware

I had all but forgot about the ole' crockpot! The easiest way to cook ever invented! Best part - it makes the whole house smell like a restaurant, and when you walk in from work, there is your meal sitting right there waiting for you!

Just google recipes and try them out - you can always add a side of rice or a salad to make a complete meal!

Try this!

Mexican Chicken

1 pkg boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 can diced tomatoes

1 can diced green chilies

1 onion, sliced thin

2 cloves of minced garlic (or just get a jar and use 1 teaspoon)

1 tsp chili powder

1/4 tsp. cumin

1/4 tsp. oregano

1/4 tsp. pepper

Cook on low for 6 hours - serve over rice, top with fat-free sour cream or some guacamole

Awkward Comments

Ran into an interesting/annoying situation recently (and so have several of my friends that choose to occasionally eat healthy meals at work). I go to retrieve my salad that I have prepared with delicious greens, tomatoes, mushrooms, egg, raisins, a dash of cheese and some of my fav light honey mustard dressing. With it, I get my peanut butter sandwich and delightful gala apple out! I'm pumped - ready to sit down, read whatever Avon catalog or newspaper is sitting in front of me, and enjoy my lunch. Of course, someone has to trot into the too small kitchen area and say something ridiculous like "Oh, too healthy for me!" or "Wow, I never eat that healthy!" or "Jesus, what is that? Vegetables?" or "I have really low self esteem to the point where I can't walk by someone that is eating something that doesn't contain 30g of fat or more without making a nasty ass comment about it before I grab my leftover pizza and go back to my office and sit and eat like the grump that I am." In short, its annoying, awkward, and unnecessary!
A friend of mine works in a setting where groups often head out to eat at lunch. She has often ran into extreme scrutiny when it comes time to eat. If she stays back, she feels like a snobby biatch, and if she goes, people are rude about her request to go somewhere that has a decent salad selection.
The person in the wrong here is the one that can't keep their mouth shut. Its hard enough to try and make healthy decisions for yourself without people's side comments from the peanut gallery. If, upon reflection, you find that you are one of these culprits - wrap it up! No one wants to hear your awkward comments - so, keep it zipped and move along!

Experimenting

Trying new fruits and vegetables can be fun! A lot of times people are afraid to buy new fruits and vegetables because of the fear that they won't like them, or they don't know how to prepare them. Just look up a simple recipe and go for it! Buy whatever it is you're trying in a small amount at first to make sure that you like it, and then it can be a regular part of your grocery list!

Yesterday I tried cherries for the first time in my life (there are different types of cherries, and I forget which kind I had, but they were delightful!) Similar taste to a plum and very portable like grapes!

Next adventure: I have had guacamole in the past, but this weekend I'm going to make my own using fresh avocados!

Simple recipe: Just cut the avocados in half (choose ones with a slight give in the skin so you know they are ripe), scoop out the seed first and discard, and then scoop the soft green avocado out of the skin (using a spoon is the easiest). Then, add your favorite salsa or Rotel to taste! If you LOVE garlic like I do, add just a pinch! Salt and pepper to taste.

Enjoy!

Moms with Drinking Problems

Haha - just kidding. Just because you enjoy a cocktail here and there, doesn't mean you are an alcoholic - just a normal mom. A reader's question prompted this topic.....alright, alright - I don't really have readers - my sister just asked about it. Anyway, she was wondering about the rules of drinking while breastfeeding. The common expression "pump and dump" comes to mind, but actually that is a common misconception. Pumping and dumping your breast milk after a cold frosty doesn't actually solve the problem. Because of how alcohol is eliminated from the body, it is pretty much impossible to accelerate the process. Unlike the bladder, your breasts are not trapping alcohol in them - the alcohol is continuously diffused back into the bloodstream. So, that means it's just a waiting game.
Another common misconception is that everyone metabolizes alcohol at the same rate. Not true - it is based many things, but mostly weight.
Here is the chart to calculate how long you need to wait to feed. Remember: one drink = 12 oz beer, 5 0z of wine, or 1.5 oz of liquor.
Also remember: if you are drinking, someone else needs to be watching your child - I once thought I could fly down a flight of stairs due to being under the influence. If I was holding a baby at the time, who knows what would have happened!!!!
Don't be cheap - hire a babysitter!

References: Chart 1: "Drinking alcohol while breastfeeding: Will it harm my baby?" Gideon Koren, MD, FRCP

Thank Goodness...A Guest Writer!

Today's blog is featuring a guest writer who has chosen to stay anonymous......lets just say he is a huge Simpsons fans and is good at math!

Lunch and Productivity

I have done some extensive research on this subject. I work in a public accounting office in a downtown setting, so I have no shortage of great places to eat. By great, I mean meals that are hugely portioned and loaded with calories! Don't get me wrong, I get excited on days that I am going out to lunch. Lots of upsides to going out: 1. getting out of the office and away from Mr. or Mrs. Boss to talk about Mr. or Mrs. Boss (Mr. Burns, if you are reading this, only joking) 2. eating the all you can eat pizza or Chinese buffet (sweet and sour chicken is awesome) or a burger n' fries from the weird trailer dude 3. thinking about stuff other than accounting for an entire hour!

But, I have found that the size of my lunch directly correlates with my productivity. if I go out, I get tired and groggy. I end up going to the vending machine for a soft drink because I obviously didn't consume enough calories at lunch - or I end up walking around the office like some zombie trying to wake up. This doesn't even count the $8 spent on lunch.

Lets do some quick math, 8*4 days a week * 45 weeks a year = $1,440. This is enough to pay not only for a decent cell phone bill but a crappy cable package as well!

Back to productivity: So I get to work at 7, and can get about 5 hours of work done before 12 - no problems yet, still a stellar employee. Then comes lunch. I leave around noon, back by one. Still going good. Then comes the 30 minutes of web surfing before the drowsiness hits. Its downhill from here. Now I am getting the soft drink and walking around the office, sitting back in my chair trying not to snore. Now it is 2:30. Still only 5 hours of work done. Finally, I'm back to it. Tired, but awake - watching the clock. 2.5 hours to go. Maybe get 1.5 hours of productivity out of the deal - not feeling too good about it. Congrats to me! 6.5 hours of work out of a 10 hour work day. Well, at least in our society, that would give you a B+ for effort.

Now, what if I pack a ham sandwich and an apple? Get to work at 7, by noon have 5 hours of work done. May hang out in the break room for 20 minutes and catch up on some sports trivia and eat my lunch or even better go walk around downtown for 30 minutes. Now I'm feeling good and have another 3.5 hours of work in me. So, I get 8.5 hours of work in for the day. Plus, I didn't consume 600 extra Calories - if you think that sounds high, its not. Do some research and you will be surprised! (Plus plus, I'm not the guy walking around the office looking like he is on drugs, half asleep)

What a difference a lunch can make. You can be more productive, eat fewer Calories, and have more energy thought the entire day! Of course, there are plenty of lighter options you can choose when you eat out, you just have to look for them. And if you are like me, you rarely do. So, just try to keep everything in moderation!

Happy Lunching!

Sippin' on Gin and Juice!

After the holiday weekend, I thought that it would be appropriate to discuss the age old issue of...drinking! This comes up a lot with clients. It is always at the end of the conversation when I ask if they have any questions. They bow their head in shame and and sheepishly ask, "What about alcohol?" I always laugh and say, "What about it?" Then, they usually say, "Is it bad?"

Well, the answer is, it ain't good. However, I would never in a million years tell people they should quit drinking all together. If someone told me that, I would laugh in their face.

Here are the facts: There is roughly the same amount of alcohol in 12 oz of beer, 5 oz of wine, and 1.5 oz. of liquor (roughly).

So, average Calories for 80 proof liquor (1.5oz)

whiskey - 109.5

vodka - 109.5

bourbon - 99

gin - 96

rum - 96

tequila - 96

Average Calories in 5 oz of

red wine - 127

white wine - 120

Average Calories in 12 oz of

regular beer - 145

light beer - 110

So, lets say you are having 4 drinks in one night - one of the lowest calorie drinks you can have is rum with a calorie free mixer (diet coke, light lemonade, etc) You would consume 384 Calories. One of the highest Calorie drinks would be regular beer - You would be consuming 580 Calories. Also, if you mix with sweet mixers (like with Margaritas) then you are really packing in the Calories.

Now, I know that none of you out there would EVER consume more than 4 drinks in one evening (I never have:), so I won't go into the idea of drinking 6, 10, or even 12 drinks in a night! You can imagine the amount of Calories we are talking about then.

I know this is not fun information, but it is important to keep in mind -

So, keep it light, and happy drinking!!

Favorite drink of the summer: 2 oz of vodka mixed with 12 oz of water and a Crystal Light lemonade packet (the ones that are to be used in a water bottle) - 151 Calories

Don't forget to recover!

This topic was sparked by a friend of mine who is somewhat of an excessive exerciser/wt loss junky. (Sorry, dude). Anywho, we were talking today about recovery nutrition. This is the fluid or food that you consume within the hour after a workout. It is usually forgotten about, which can be detrimental to your body! And, it can actually work against muscle growth after an endurance or resistance training session.
Two of the main reasons people work out is to get stronger and to increase endurance abilities. In order to do this, recovery nutrition is vital. During an endurance workout (cardio), you are using up all the glycogen (sugar) stores in your muscles. The more glycogen your muscles can hold, the longer you can work out without burning out. The way you increase these stores is to consume carbohydrates (sugar) when your muscles have been completely stripped of their stores - which would be right after a cardio workout. (Think of a sponge) So, a recovery snack has to include carbohydrates.
Secondly, during a cardio or a resistance training session, your muscle fibers are breaking down. Once they are torn, they re-build larger and stronger. In order for your muscles to re-build, you have to consume protein.
So, a perfect recovery snack includes both carbohydrates and protein.
Examples:
Fruit and peanut butter
Yogurt (Natural)
Milk
Turkey Sandwich
Gatorade and string cheese
- the amount of food is dependent on gender, body wt., and workout intensity

So, grab a lunch box, and head to the gym!!!

Clogged up like a damn drain!

Constipation is real, folks! Believe it! I had always had my doubts - always thought of constipation as the unicorn of bowel issues. Of course, I would regularly give my same old speech to clients...more fiber, more fluids, more activity. More fiber, more fluids, more activity. Until a recent 3 day stint of no bowel activity what so ever, I would just roll my eyes "mentally" and go on with my rehearsed speech. More fiber, more fluids, more activity.
I can honestly say, I don't know what happened. I know I'm over-sharing, but I have had regular BMs since the beginning of time. Never missed a day. Until....
It was awful. By the third day, I had had it. I looked like I was 4 months pregnant, I could feel everything I was eating being absorbed and stored as fat god knows where, but nothing would....relieve me.
I tried it all. Fiber (oatmeal, salads, fruit). I tried fluids (water, water, water). I tried activity (walking, running, jumping). Nothing would work! I knew what I had to do, but I just didn't want to do it.
I reluctantly headed up to the nearest convenient store to search the isles for....god love it, prune juice. Prunes and, obviously, their juice contain a natural laxative (dihydrophenylisatin). (thank you google.com) The worst part is, for some reason - don't ask me - it is supposed to work better if you heat the juice up. Ugh!
So, I am searching the isles for my "poop" juice - I thought they would have little convenient cans in the refrigerator or something. NO, apparently, if you are buying prune juice, it is necessary to buy a 5 lb barrel of it! I had to pay over $5 for the biggest thing of juice I have EVER seen. Which is fine, until I'm holding my juice and waiting in line in front of McDreamy Blue Eyes, and then have to fork lift it onto the counter where, no doubt, the clerk is chuckling on the inside about not only my poop juice, but my bastard child as well. Jesus - I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A DUMP!!!!!!
Well, I got home, heated up 2 servings of thick, sap like juice, pinched my nose, and chugged it down. It was less than pleasurable. However...lets just say...the ole' remedy worked! Amen!
I will not longer roll my eyes at the poor victims of stopped up bowels! My appologies to those who recieved my speech, and for god's sake, go get some prune juice!