Clogged up like a damn drain!

Constipation is real, folks! Believe it! I had always had my doubts - always thought of constipation as the unicorn of bowel issues. Of course, I would regularly give my same old speech to clients...more fiber, more fluids, more activity. More fiber, more fluids, more activity. Until a recent 3 day stint of no bowel activity what so ever, I would just roll my eyes "mentally" and go on with my rehearsed speech. More fiber, more fluids, more activity.
I can honestly say, I don't know what happened. I know I'm over-sharing, but I have had regular BMs since the beginning of time. Never missed a day. Until....
It was awful. By the third day, I had had it. I looked like I was 4 months pregnant, I could feel everything I was eating being absorbed and stored as fat god knows where, but nothing would....relieve me.
I tried it all. Fiber (oatmeal, salads, fruit). I tried fluids (water, water, water). I tried activity (walking, running, jumping). Nothing would work! I knew what I had to do, but I just didn't want to do it.
I reluctantly headed up to the nearest convenient store to search the isles for....god love it, prune juice. Prunes and, obviously, their juice contain a natural laxative (dihydrophenylisatin). (thank you google.com) The worst part is, for some reason - don't ask me - it is supposed to work better if you heat the juice up. Ugh!
So, I am searching the isles for my "poop" juice - I thought they would have little convenient cans in the refrigerator or something. NO, apparently, if you are buying prune juice, it is necessary to buy a 5 lb barrel of it! I had to pay over $5 for the biggest thing of juice I have EVER seen. Which is fine, until I'm holding my juice and waiting in line in front of McDreamy Blue Eyes, and then have to fork lift it onto the counter where, no doubt, the clerk is chuckling on the inside about not only my poop juice, but my bastard child as well. Jesus - I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A DUMP!!!!!!
Well, I got home, heated up 2 servings of thick, sap like juice, pinched my nose, and chugged it down. It was less than pleasurable. However...lets just say...the ole' remedy worked! Amen!
I will not longer roll my eyes at the poor victims of stopped up bowels! My appologies to those who recieved my speech, and for god's sake, go get some prune juice!