I just $hit my pants.

"Excuse me, coming through, can't talk, oh god, MOTHER of harry and sally, oh $hit, MOVE IT!"

That is me about, oh, 9:30am every single morning of my life. That's because I start drinking coffee about 8:30am every single morning of my life.

Those magical little beans send my a runnin' to the nearest (conveniently quiet and empty) bathroom to release whatever the good lord blessed me with the day before. Gross? No. It's completely natural, normal, human. Well, I guess it's sometimes a little gross. Over share? No, because you know you all do it too. Yes, even girls. Boys, get it through your heads. GIRLS POOP!!!!!

But what does my coffee have in it that takes away my choice to poop and adds the element of 'NOW or $hit your pants'?

Well, mostly it's the caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant meaning that it prompts contractions of the digestive system, including the colon and even the sphincter. (Do I need to explain the sphincter? No? OK. If you are confused, google it). When this process is....spiced up via Starbucks.....your digestive system will move your waste along until....expelled....either neatly in a porcelain bowl or right there in your underoos.....depending on what kind of day you are having.....or how fast you can get to a bathroom.

So, is coffee the answer to constipation? NO!!!!! Coffee/caffeine is also a diuretic....meaning that is expels liquid from your body. This liquid can be sponged out of your stool, making it even dryer and harder to pass.

Coffee does have a lot of health benefits, though. Studies have shown that regular consumption has been linked to lower instances of Alzheimer's, Type 2 Diabetes, and it may even have some anti-cancer effects. But, that info is from Harvard Medical School, so it's probably not true:) JK

Hope you all have a great Friday....have some coffee, fight off some cancer, and try not to $hit your pants!