Why Bulimia, Unfortunately, Doesn't Work

If only. The idea that you get to eat whatever you want with no consequences....wow. No, oh god these pants don't fit. No, oh god, my chin has grown a twin. No, oh god, I no longer have ankles, but calves I can tuck into my socks.

Only in a perfect world, my friend. Tell me if you think the following sounds healthy.

You're feeling hungry, so you go ahead and start a meal off with 4 large chocolate chip cookies, then you go ahead and add the second course of Hersey's bars....3 of them. Then it's time to move on to the real stuff. Thousands of calories later, your binge is over. Now, it's time to purge. Hopefully, for your sake, you are in the comfort of your own home. You head off to the bathroom to stimulate your gag reflex so that you can vomit (along with your acidic gastric juices) the immense amount of calories you just ingested.

Awesome, right?

Oh, but wait. It's not all bikinis and make-out sessions with wafer obsessed men........there are........consequences. Ugh, I hate that word. It reminds me of decisions my parents would pretend to let me make, with the subconscious reminder that, "You can do what you want, just be ready to accept the consequences." Ugh, fine. I won't sneak out and do drugs...you're welcome.

Anywho, the consequences of bulimia are not the best. For all the men out there, Would You Rather (great game by the way) date/mess around with (that means hold hands, Mom....promise) someone who is 15 - 20 lbs. overweight (5 - 10 of those pounds, at least, placed right where god intended...the chestal and buttal regions) or date/mess around with a girl who has...

• Dehydration
• Low electrolytes in the blood
• Anemia
• Abnormal heart rhythm
• Vitamin deficiencies that lead to kidney and liver problems (super first date convo.)
• Intestinal issues (a lady never discusses these details)
• Severe esophageal damage
• Severe tooth damage (think children of the corn f-ed up)
• Mouth sores
• Infertility
• Lethargy (actually, some like their women comatose)
• Withdrawn (think James Franco, Oscars 2011, but not purely marijuana induced)

Disclaimer: These don't even take into consideration the psychological and social side effects. In all seriousness, this is not something to joke around about - or experiment with. If you believe that you or a friend are at risk of any impaired eating behaviors, notify a responsible party immediately.

Seriously, America has enough citizens with bad teeth.

Man, I am in a mood today. Happy freakin' hump day.

P.S. I just google-imaged the word "Bulimia" and got about 4,000 pictures of disgusting pale white teenage girls in too baggy white panties and bras hanging over toilets...I'll spare you a photo today. You can thank me later.